Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Clean Like a Maid!

So I was driving my lovely black range rover home from a delightful day of shopping and lunching at I pulled in to my pristine 4 car garage and walked through my back door I saw a sparkly fresh bright and shiney clean house...oh how I do love my maid..............................AND THEN I WOKE UP........and remembered that right now I drive the "Mommy Mobile" that is long overdue for a wash and vacuum....I am on a shopping hold until i loose 7 more lbs (got on the scale this morning...3 lbs down WOOOOOOHOOOO!)....My garage is a teensy one car that won't even fit MY car in it...and I'm currently living in a way too small for my family 3 bedroom apartment on the second floor....and heres the kicker. **I'M** the closest thing this family is ever going to get to a Maid.


such is life.

So when life hands you grab some vodka?

no...its too early for that.

when life hands you make lemonade...and become your own maid! (look at me bein all clever and rhyming...)

So here we go boys and girls:


So lets start with the supplies...
 You will need:

*Glass cleaner (If its blue, it'll do!)
*Bathroom Cleaner (I really like the Oxy Clean stuff but last time when I bought cleaning supplies I got them at Costco and they didnt carry the bathroom cleaner that I liked so Im stocked up on Scrubbing Bubbles until the Apocolypse)
*Comet (Bar Keepers & Soft Scrub are good too)
*Floor Cleaner (Depending on your floors...I've got cheapo linoleum in my bathrooms and laminate wood in my kitchen, entry & dining)
*Febreeze for a nice fresh smell on couches, curtains and pillows
*Gloves to keep your hands from gettin all yuck
*A lint free rag (Can you guess what I use? Old cloth diapers...I used to use them as burp clothes when my snooty girl was a baby and once she was done with them they found their way to my cleaning supplies)

Your also going to need your vacuum, broom, mop/swiffer/shark steamer/etc, and your washer/dryer.......also, if you have polished wood furniture, you will need some Pledge.

and one of these....or like 3 of these if you have a big ol' mansion :)

Ok! So now that we have all of our stuff together, lets get started. There are a few rules you must remember before you start cleaning like a maid:

1. Top to bottom, left to right - Always clean top to bottom and left to right to manage dust flow
2. Make sure everything is picked up before you clean...its SO annoying to be in a groove only to have to stop and pick up the entire Polly Pocket Collection off your 6 year old daughters floor..............resist the urge to vacuum it all up and say the "messy bedroom fairy took it"......So therefor...if a space isn't clean before "maid-day" that person gets to do the cleaning themselves!

There is going to be a very busy little 6 year old after school today!

3. Make sure your washer and dryer are empty...MAIDS ARN'T THERE TO DO YOUR LAUNDRY....but they will wash your sheets :)
4. Seperate your rooms as "dry" and "wet" rooms

Here is what I get done in my clean sweep (keep in mind, every house is different so every sweep will differ from person to person)

  • Bedroom (DRY)
    • Sheets
    • Dust
    • Vacuum
  • Master Bathroom (WET)
    • Mirrors
    • Counters
    • Tub
    • Toilet
    • Sweep
    • Shark Mop Floor
  • Living Room (DRY)
    • Dust
    • Vacuum
  • Dining Room (DRY)
    • Dust
    • Sweep
    • Shark Mop Floor
  • Kitchen (WET)
    • Microwave
    • Appliance exteriors
    • Counters
    • Sink
    • Sweep
    • Shark Mop
  • Guest Bathroom (WET)
    • Mirrors
    • Tub
    • Toilet
    • Sweep
    • Shark Mop
  • Girls Bedrooms (DRY)
    • Wash sheets
    • Dust
    • Vacuum
I know that sounds like a seems like its going to take a whole day right? but for any of you that have had the luxury of having a maid (or watching one while they work) you know that it usually only takes about 2 hours to get it all done and thats because they have a ROUTINE.

FIRST THINGS FIRST.......find something amazing to listen to....loudly :) (if your cleaning during nap time...bust out your ipod and headphones)

1. Start by stripping the beds and getting the sheets in the washer
2. Go through all of your DRY rooms and spray glass cleaner on your flat surfaces (night stands, book shelves, coffee tables, TV stands, desks, etc)
3. With your lint free rag, starting with the first piece you sprayed, wipe it from TOP to BOTTOM, LEFT to RIGHT picking up any picture frames or knick knacks as you dust (just pick them up, run your rag under it then put it back need to clear your shelf off just to dust)
4. Now head to your first bathroom....start by spraying your tub & toilet with bathroom cleaner (scrubbing bubbles) and let it sit while you spray your your mirrors & counter tops with glass cleaner wipe your mirrors down with paper towels and your counters off with a lint free rag. Wipe down your tub and turn on the shower to rinse out the tub (i get kinda weirded out by taking a bath with all that chemical residue in there so i rinse my tub out after i clean it) scrub your toilet. Repeat in your other bathrooms.
5. Switch your sheets to the dryer.
6. Soak a sponge in warm water and dish soap...put it in the microwave for 30 seconds...this will create a steam that will help loosen up any stuck on gunk in your microwave...use the same sponge to wipe down the microwave.............enjoy a sip of your redbull, check your text messages, change the song on your ipod while you wait for the microwave to beep :)
7. Rinse your sponge off, use it to get the basin of your kitchen sink wet, sprinkle on some comet, rub it around with your wet sponge making a wet soft scour paste and let it sit while you take your glass cleaner and spray the outsides of all your appliances and your counter tops...THOROUGHLY rinse out your sink, spray it with glass cleaner, let it sit while you wipe down the appliances and counter tops then wipe the sink shiny.
8. Sweep all of your hard floors (bathrooms, dining room, kitchen) 
9. This step will differ depending on what you use to clean your floors...I have a shark steam mop that i thats what i use to clean my floors, starting in the bathrooms I heat up my steam mop, pour a little pinesol cleaning liquid on the floor (NOT MUCH...JUST A LITTLE IN THE ICKY the sink where my hair spray tends to stick to the ground and around the toilet) then steam away! repeat this in all hard floored areas
10. Grab your vacuum and starting in the farthest corner of your home, vacuum from left to right backing your self out of the space.


Light some candles. kick your feet up. pop a lean cuisine in the microwave and watch some trashy tv. you deserve it ;)

The frequency of which you do this is dependant on how "clean" you like your house...if you would hire a maid to come twice a this twice a month...once a month? once a week? thats up to you kiddo.

oh. and heres your bonus. Free pass on getting to wear sweatpants until the job is done...and if you wear your tennis shoes and break a little bit of sweat while you clean you can call it your "30 mins of cardio" for the day. You. Are. Welcome :)

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